Biting Consequence 

I had to get up really early1 this morning to have blood drawn.2 I needed it for an as-yet-unscheduled appointment with the family doctor for a slut pill3 prescription.4 The phlebotomist today was stellar and hit the vein5 on her first try.6 

On the way home, I stopped at the Wellness Center and joined.7 I had to pay $158 because my insurance apparently no longer foots the whole bill.9 The person signing me up told me I could pay another $5 and get a little scan-in card for my keychain. I said I’d memorize my 16 digit number.1011 

I came home, called SSI for my review,12 finished reading Until You by Penelope Douglas, and took a nap.13 Nana called at around 4:00, which was also around the time I woke up. She asked if I’d gone for a walk yet, so14 I decided I should do that before dark.15 Amy had to go for her brief16 walks before I could go on mine. 

I decided to bump my walk distance up today.17 I walked to the yard where Barks While He Twirls and The Plucky Sidekick live.18 They greeted me at the fence and I stuck my hand down to let them sniff. I didn’t pull my jacket’s sleeve up, which probably got BWHT a bit freaked out, so he bit me. 

I don’t think he meant to bite me. He didn’t bite hard and the jacket did protect me from it breaking the skin. I wasn’t scared. I was a little surprised, but I realized that I probably was to blame for the bite, so I tried to greet him again. I rolled my sleeve up and calmly went in knuckles first, instead of the back of my hand. And guess what? He didn’t bite me. He and TPS demanded I pet them.19 He didn’t want me to stop petting him,20 but I did so that I could come home & ice my hand. 

The bruise is worse now than it was when I took that picture, but not too bad. I think it’ll be okay, but it’s probably going to be sore for a while. 

I couldn’t tell my family about the bite right when I got home because Mom was still talking to Nana. I knew even mentioning it would scare Nana.21 My dad was a little surprised when he heard because it’s such an un-BWHT thing to do.22 Mom is mainly trying to make sure an abrasion on my hand existed BEFORE I got bitten.23 I’m not worried about it.24

But I’ve learned that I need to be more careful in the future.25

  1. For me. 

  2. The fat girl special: lipid panel, A1C, & CMP. Yay, obesity! 

  3. Norethindrone, aka a progesterone only birth control pill. I call them slut pills because anytime legislation comes up, someone has to say something about women spreading their legs. Yay, slut-shaming! 

  4. I have to go back in for another three month prescription because my family doctor thinks my risk of blood clots is significant enough that I need regular monitoring. Yay, genetics! 

  5. With a big old, regular needle in my arm, not a butterfly in my arm, wrist, hand, or foot. 

  6. Yay, skilled medical professional! 

  7. Yay, exercise! 

  8. And I will have to continue to pay this amount every month. 

  9. Yay, insurance!! 

  10. Yay, debt & poverty! 

  11. Yay, freaky memory! 

  12. I confirmed that I’m still an impoverished disabled woman with no car. Yay, my life! 

  13. Yay, preschool behavior! 

  14. I felt guilty because I had been napping instead of exercising. 

  15. #YesAllWomen. 

  16. One-house 

  17. My furthest distance since before my surgery. Yay, progress! 

  18. Max and Mario. 

  19. I’m easily bossed around by animals. 

  20. Yay, renewed friendships! 

  21. And she’d probably want us to call animal control on BWHT. 

  22. Dad has interacted with BWHT as well. 

  23. Yay, parents who are still overprotective of their adult daughter! 

  24. So it better not kill me. 

  25. Yay, painful life lessons! 

Nana’s Red Photo Album (40th Anniversary & Miscellaneous)

Most of these pictures are from Nana and Granddaddy’s 40th Anniversary Party, which took place in January 1991.1 There are a few images from other days2 in this album, so I’ve included them as well. If I remembered what they were for, I put it in their caption.

  1. I turned 7 that February. 

  2. Including ones from before I was alive. 

Twenty Years, Emerald Tears

Sunday was the twentieth “anniversary” since Granddaddy died. Twenty years. It’s almost twice as long as the time I spent with him. 

But I still miss him. 

I always will. 

He was the better grandfather even before the emotional abuse (and before I started coming to terms with the other abuses) from Dadada. When we didn’t live with Dadada, Granddaddy was still my favorite. He was a genuinely good person and I think the world is a better place because of his goodness.12

So, of course, I will always miss him. 

And I will dread the week between his death and birthday for a long time to come. I worry about Nana because she gets so depressed this week every year. I worry about Aunt Barbara because she hasn’t really been herself3 since he died. I worry about Eric because, even though we never talked about it, he must still miss him.4 And I worry about my mom because she was so close with him and she was there when he died. I think she focused so much on getting the rest of us through his death that she never gave herself the opportunity to grieve properly. I worry because I never know how sad I will feel this week. 

But part of life means living even when you’re sad or remembering those you’ve lost, so that’s what I will do. 

  1. He was a good enough person for a funeral home full of people to brave the threat of an ice storm for his visitation and to fill the chapel for a standing room only funeral. This isn’t just hero-worship. This is me recognizing that he made an indelible mark on the lives of others with his friendship. 

  2. Dadada, on the other hand, was jealous we were going to Guntersville for Granddaddy’s funeral. He was in the hospital with his congestive heart failure, diabetes, & emphysema—and sneaking cigarettes while he was there. 

  3. Or she hasn’t been who she was before his death. 

  4. He had longer with him. 

I Guess My Ass Is Bitter

I am having trouble falling asleep,1 so I went on YouTube.2 I checked my notifications and found out that I am apparently a truly awful human being.3
I didn’t like a music video, so I can’t appreciate real music

Flower graphics symbolize pure beauty and that sexuality doesn’t have to be raw and raunchy.4 Oh and nude5 women, including ones portrayed in sexualized situations aren’t being objectified.6 But we’re back to my bitterness and that I’m a hater. 

If you don’t agree with Marina or mandyy, don’t express yourself. And I don’t know who told these folks that the women weren’t being sexualized or objectified, but they were wrong. I love that they needed to tell me it’s my opinion. I bet they don’t realize there are non-One Direction fans that disliked the video. 

I stand by all of my remarks—including the MySpace comment. 

I think I may be able to sleep now. Thanks, Zayn stans. 

  1. Because of the overdraft issue. 

  2. The best cure for insomnia. 

  3. It’s not the first time that’s been suggested. 

  4. Unless it’s done right. 

  5. Except for the hearts and flowers strategically placed later. 

  6. I guess it’s like if a tabloid puts a bar across a celeb’s boobs. They’re preserving the pure beauty of the boobs. 

Actually Graduated

I actually graduated from physical therapy yesterday.1 I didn’t get to go by the Wellness Center to sign up, though, because there were other things that needed to be done yesterday afternoon.2 I will either do it this weekend or some time in the next week. I may have to get a ride from my mom instead of my dad to get it done.3 I need to get my license so that I am no longer so dependent on the schedules and whims of others.4 I can’t get it until my bank situation gets sorted out.5 

  1. Happy dance. 

  2. Because life. 

  3. Asking him for rides always leads to me having panic attacks. 

  4. I have my own whims, dammit! 

  5. I’ve reactivated my GoFundMe because of some overdrafts I received after attempting to cancel some orders I didn’t mean to make. More about that is mentioned on the page. If you can help, I’d appreciate it. 

Review: “Pillow Talk”

I like Zayn.1 I hate his “Pillow Talk” video & don’t really like the song. He looks bored and the video is just 100% tacky.2 Who thought it was a good idea to put flowers over her genitals and hearts3 on her nipples?456789 Whoever it was should be fired.10 And the random lesbian scenes, what’s that about? There are people who had LSD trips that weren’t as bizarre as this video.11

This was the music video equivalent of a MySpace profile with glitter graphics and auto-play songs. It’s just…a tacky vomitfest.

 It’s obvious that he’s trying to prove he’s not just Zayn Malik of One Direction, but I feel like he’s trying too hard. The video looks like it was supposed to be artistic, but it was just kaleidoscopic, over saturated, exclusion/difference layer12 obsession weirdness. 

Gigi Hadid is gorgeous, though. 

What has been seen cannot be unseen

  1. No judging. 

  2. I’m being nice here. 

  3. These reminded me of some holographic heart stickers my mom used to order from Oriental Trading Company. I would stick them on my Valentines. 

  4. No, really. 





  9. I. TOLD. YOU. SO. 

  10. A floral pillowcase should cover their bosoms to mark them for this unforgivable sin. 

  11. I am still being kind here. 

  12. Actual Photoshop thing.