Chris and I were sitting at Waffle House this afternoon waiting for food. I was showing him some of the Facebook posts that were a tad fucked up—mostly science-denying, anti-mask, anti-vaxx stuff—before reporting them for spreading false information about Covid, as one does. I found a post by a “friend” about what they called: lifestyle choices.

Oh you know what they meant by that. In the year of our Lord 2021, motherfuckers are still calling being LGBTQ+a lifestyle choice. So what we’re going to is talk about some lifestyle choices.

Being a science-denying nincompoop is a lifestyle choice. It may not be a long lasting one, but it’s still one. Although one could argue that the consequences of that decision last for-fucking-ever.

Getting your Thanksgiving recipes from Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg instead of Rachael Ray is a lifestyle choice. It’s also obviously the only correct choice. No, really. If you’ve never watched Martha and Snoop, you’ve missed out.

Drinking water vs. drinking soda is a lifestyle choice. Reading more vs. watching television is a lifestyle choice. Going to church vs. not is a lifestyle choice. Wearing dresses vs. pants is a lifestyle choice. Recycling vs. not recycling is a lifestyle choice. (And I judge people who choose not to recycle.)

A lifestyle choice is something where you actually have a choice to make. Sexuality and gender identity are not choices. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back:

SEXUALITY AND GENDER IDENTITY ARE NOT CHOICES.

They are part of who you are.

Assuming you’re cisgender, did you wake up one day and decide you were going to identify most with the gender that you were assigned at birth? Or did you always feel that gender fit you?

Assuming you’re heterosexual, did you wake up one day and decide you were going to date or fall in love with people of a different gender? Or have you always been attracted to that gender?

It was the latter on both, wasn’t it?

Because. It’s. Not. A. Choice.

And it never has been a choice.

The individual who called it a choice in their post also suggested that J.K. Rowling never said anything transphobic. I’m gonna spell this out for them and anyone else who doesn’t get it, yes, she fucking did. She’s been transphobic repeatedly. She has promoted transphobia. She has denied transphobia is real. So you can fuck all the way off with that bullshit!

I’m okay. I promise. I’m calm. I’m centered. I may need to prune my friend list of transphobic, homophobic, antisemitic science-deniers. Sometimes you have to let the toxic people in your life go.