The drama on Twitter I talked about last night in the Taylor Swift gif laden post has continued to build and build. This time I wasn’t hard-blocked by someone who was once a friend, I got the more passive aggressive soft-block from someone who was once a friend.
Yet again it was a person who had tried gaslighting me about my experiences or set boundaries when it came to acknowledging her friends had been abusive toward me. Yet again I knew beforehand that if she was given an ultimatum in a dm room or publicly about them or me, she would pick them, so it didn’t really hurt.
I get that she’s loyal to them. I’ve gotten that the whole time. That was never in doubt, but there’s something cringeworthy in you telling people that they can’t possibly be having mental health crises at times that are inconvenient for you or for your toxic friends. That’s especially true when the same friends are the ones who claim mental health crises around the time they start shit.
Honestly, I never fully trusted her. Honestly, I doubt that I will miss her in the long run. Honestly, I’m glad I won’t have to see her retweets of the people who harassed me last January or the people who harassed my best friend the year before.
O’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago, Chris’s birthday was Monday, my birthday is in just over two weeks, and mom’s is five days after that. This time of year is always pretty hectic for me in terms of birthdays & other family things.
We used to also have the days and weeks Nana would mourn the losses on the anniversaries of deaths, including Granddaddy’s, which happened 26 years ago this past Monday. I sometimes wonder how she would react to knowing Chris’s birthday was Granddaddy’s death day.
This last weekend was also Chris’s weekend with O. I drove him to pick up O on Friday and I drove them to drop O off on Sunday. It was the first time I was in the vicinity of O’s mom, a woman I have felt intimidated by for a while. But now I don’t, which I’m counting as an achievement.
After dropping O off, we went on a quest to find dinner for his family. We were going to go to Popeyes but there were technical issues and a lack of sides that prevented that, so instead we got food at KFC. Then we watched Charlotte Dobre and Evan & Katelyn videos on YouTube. Eventually mom texted to passive aggressively remind me to come home because she wouldn’t get to see me for the next two nights so she needed to spend time with me.
I spent Monday with Chris. He had to get his hair cut and his beard trimmed. I have previously attempted to trim his mustache before and accidentally gave him half of a Hitler-stache, so I defer to professionals on that. We then hung out at his house for a while until his mom was ready for dinner, which we ate at his favorite Japanese restaurant. We ate, and I tried sushi for the second time and found out I do like it. I also found out that my first sushi was probably bad, as in rotten or on its way to being rotten; this rice was vinegary and the fish was super fishy to the point that I barely finished a couple of rolls. Chris told me that it’s probably a good thing I didn’t finish the sushi that time because it was bad. The food Monday night was good; so good that I overate & ended up vomiting part of it when we got back to his house.
Then we watched The Legend of Vox Machina before going back to YouTube videos while we regretted our life choices. (Mostly, the overeating, but also any movement we made after overeating.) Mom texted at around ten, which caused the night to come to an abrupt end.
Chris was still feeling bad after the food choices today, so, to give him a chance to recover, we didn’t get to go to Writers’ Club together tonight. I’ll admit I cried a bit when I found that out because I’m on my period and I do that a lot on my period, as I mentioned a few posts ago. Apparently it had to do with the extra progesterone that gets released around the time of your period causing borderline personality disorder to go into overdrive.
I found out about the change of plans prior to getting my labs done for my primary care doctor. And I’m sure my lipids and sugar levels will be great after the mukbang that was this weekend.
Oh, and I found out before the labs that Adore Me decided to claim I sent back another empty box with their Elite subscription, so I was fucking pissed about that. Later in the day, they’d claim they actually received it, but everything was unsanitary so they had to give me an almost $200 penalty for items they actually received. I’ve contacted the BBB and plan to make YouTube & TikTok videos about their scamming tendencies. (Last month, they claimed I sent back an empty box because they say they never received anything from me. The month before, they claimed I sent something back dirty. I’m not sure how I could dirty up something I never touched.)
Oh, and I started figuring out how extensive my disordered eating really is. I’ve been exhibiting signs not just of binge eating disorder but also bulimia, and that’s freaked me out a little. But otherwise things in my life are awesome.
Basically, I had a lot going on and didn’t really have a lot of time for drama llamas on social media, so when I got home and found out a person I considered a friend blocked me on Twitter, I was about ready to laugh. No really. Apparently I may have been blocked for failing to block another friend of mine sometime over the weekend because some of their friends got into it with some of hers.
I don’t know all of what happened nor do I care to, especially since the blocker is being hypocritical as fuck over all of it. A few months ago another person said that if you didn’t like two people they both happen to like, then you are a bad/questionable person. I made a TikTok about how this kind of behavior hurt my feelings. The blocker sent me half a dozen comments invalidating my feelings & gaslighting the fuck out of me. Then she deleted them so as to not look bad. We never spoke of it again, but she’s seemed sus to me since then.
It used to make me uncomfortable how close she was with people who had been even more hurtful toward me. There was one in particular who compared a breakdown in borderline personality disorder to being a little depressed or anxious. That person claimed I was ableist because I disagreed with them and had pointed out that they had excused their friend’s ableist rhetoric. They claimed I hated autistic people and some other bullshit. I have a lot of mutuals with this person, but most don’t make me uncomfortable. The blocker did.
Today I realized her block didn’t matter all that much to me. I had an amazing weekend. I’m hormonal and cry over anything, but being dumped by a person I used to think of as a friend didn’t matter to me. There are other people who I know it would hurt coming from, but not her.
And I know this coming weekend will be amazing too, and I know that not being able to share it with this person doesn’t bother me at all. So I guess I should thank her for the learning experience?
The “friend” struck again. This time they added some unabashed racism and support of the terrorists of January 6. Oh, and they are still pissed about wearing masks and having COVID restrictions.
But maybe he’s just being edgy, you might think. I don’t buy that. I’ve seen him support a literal fucking neo-Nazi. This ain’t a bug, it’s a goddamn feature and it’s so sick that only 3 people (one of his family members, a friend of his, and me) are publicly telling him to sit down and shut the fuck up.
If you see someone saying this kind of crap, how do you not speak up?
What happened January 6th is indefensible, and if you think it was a good thing, you need to examine yourself & think about why you are okay with trying to overthrow a democracy. You’re literally celebrating a seditious conspiracy, bro. That’s fucked up.
If you think that his racism and support of terror means he’s changed his other views, don’t worry. He’s still a transphobic lout who thinks JK has never said anything transphobic whilst he’s probably in denial that he’s ever said anything transphobic.
So why have I not taken this asshole off my friends list? Honestly I’m wondering that myself. He glared at me at his sister-in-law’s wedding, so I’m guessing that I’m not the only one contemplating ending our association with one another. He’s such an awful person and I hate that he’s the brother-in-law of a person I truly adore. If I still had friendly feelings towards his wife, I’d be sad about them being married to one another, but I genuinely think they are perfect for one another based on things she’s said to me & others.
The weekends this year are starting to remind me of the winter of 1996. We’ve had two winter storms so far and we’re only fifteen days in. In 1996, we seemed to have a winter storm every single week in January and a couple into February.
Of course memories of that year are pretty vivid since it was also the winter when so many relatives died and the year when both of my grandfathers died. It’s also the year when my OCD got kicked into high gear. Basically, it wasn’t the best of times for me & my family.
I love snow, except for how it seems to isolate me from my friends and, now, Chris. It gives me no way to get out and deal with my anxiety, which isn’t great. At least when we were on lockdown, I could be in my car and drive around a little. Or I could go up to Lowe Mill and work a little, but I can’t do that even on the clearest day since that studio is no longer being rented by HAL. (I need a safe place to do art.)
I hope the snow won’t keep us stuck inside for long.
I have to get back into the hang of blogging and I know eventually I will. I know I used to disappear for days and weeks and months on end, but I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be more reliable.
Christmas was pretty good, though it was a bit scary at one point when we found out that Chris’s son had COVID-19. He was in California at the time, so we were helpless and heartbroken. I may have also been extra bitchy towards people during that time because I was upset. O is fine now, which ended up being the only thing I really wanted this Christmas. (Though if you want to get something for my birthday, I wouldn’t be opposed to that.)
I spent Christmas Day with my mom’s side of the family, and Chris spent it with his mom’s side. We waited until the day before New Years Eve to wrap presents for O, which were unwrapped within an hour of O getting to Chris’s house on New Years Eve. He seemed to enjoy his presents, which I’m so glad. You watch enough Charlotte Dobre videos and you start to worry about how kids will react to presents; though I never really have to worry about with O because he’s a good kid.
Chris and I went to a “party” before Christmas at our friend Elenya’s house. (It’s also Colin’s house, but he wasn’t there that night.) It was really just a Writers’ Club meeting with Christmas themed prompts (by Rhiana) and desserts & hot chocolate. I wrote this, which is only available on my Patreon.
So that’s what happened over my holiday break. And now I’m sitting in my living room listening to rain and sleet as part of the winter storm that’s going on right now. Fun times.
In the before times, there was one sentimentI grew to hate whenever I was at a festival or something selling my stuff. Customers would ooh and ahh over things, then they’d say they had other booths to check out but they’d definitely come back & buy something. 9 out of 10 times, I never saw them again.
So I don’t know why it surprised me when a few of my friends would promise to buybooks but never did or would come to those festivals but never did. Not only would it surprise me, it was hurtful. I understand when other things came up, but promising to buy something to someone who is barely able to rent a space or can’t buy an author’s copy for themselves and failing to follow through is extremely hard on them.
You shouldn’t buy something if you don’t want to spend the money on something, can’t afford it, or don’t want it, but you shouldn’t promise you’ll do something you won’t be doing. If you do want it, but can’t afford it now, say that you’ll buy it when you can afford it. If you think you may forget to make the purchase, ask that the person should remind you personally when it is in stores or the day before a festival. If you want to support a friend’s endeavors in a non-financial way, be their hype person. I have friends who just share links and that helps quite a bit. I do occasionally get sales that way. I have other friends who just cheer me on, but make no promises and that’s cool too.
Just please remember that friends who are writers, artists, and artisans asking you to support them need more than a couple of white lies. They need your support and they need sales.
Chris and I were sitting at Waffle House this afternoon waiting for food. I was showing him some of the Facebook posts that were a tad fucked up—mostly science-denying, anti-mask, anti-vaxx stuff—before reporting them for spreading false information about Covid, as one does. I found a post by a “friend” about what they called: lifestyle choices.
Oh you know what they meant by that. In the year of our Lord 2021, motherfuckers are still calling being LGBTQ+a lifestyle choice. So what we’re going to is talk about some lifestyle choices.
Being a science-denying nincompoop is a lifestyle choice. It may not be a long lasting one, but it’s still one. Although one could argue that the consequences of that decision last for-fucking-ever.
Getting your Thanksgiving recipes from Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg instead of Rachael Ray is a lifestyle choice. It’s also obviously the onlycorrectchoice. No, really. If you’ve never watched Martha and Snoop, you’ve missed out.
Drinking water vs. drinking soda is a lifestyle choice. Reading more vs. watching television is a lifestyle choice. Going to church vs. not is a lifestyle choice. Wearing dresses vs. pants is a lifestyle choice. Recycling vs. not recycling is a lifestyle choice. (And I judge people who choose not to recycle.)
A lifestyle choice is something where you actually have a choice to make. Sexuality and gender identity are not choices. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back:
SEXUALITY AND GENDER IDENTITY ARE NOT CHOICES.
They are part of who you are.
Assuming you’re cisgender, did you wake up one day and decide you were going to identify most with the gender that you were assigned at birth? Or did you always feel that gender fit you?
Assuming you’re heterosexual, did you wake up one day and decide you were going to date or fall in love with people of a different gender? Or have you always been attracted to that gender?